This quote of actor Laurence Fishburne was taken from Sunday's New York Daily News (4/23/06).
"What I continue to learn as a parent is to be mindful of the fact that I am responsible for being the parent my children need me to be, and not necessarily the parent I want to be."
I'm going to sleep on it tonight, will comment tomorrow (hopefully along with you all.)
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12 comments:
Interesting perspective.
Interesting. Especially since right now I'm having a crisis with discipline - do I want to be the parent I told myself I'd be when I was a kid or do I realize that sometimes, a fresh mouth deserves a whack on the backside?
Dammit, I need to call my mom and apologize yet again. "You were right again, Mom, I get it..."
Well from the perspective of a daughter I totally buy that.
But you would think a parent wants to be/on some gut level knows what his kid needs. I don't think what I do, versus my ideals of being a good parent, are that far apart(except if I could be able to buy Amanda all her heart desires.) Despite a few stupid moves over the years, I'm pretty pleased with how I've handled things so far, although I'm humble enough to realize that I've got a VERY long way to go, that I'm sure will be riddled with more mistakes.
And I'm probably going to set myself up on an island now, but I have never wanted to be a parent that is their child's "best friend"... That's not to say I'm not friendly with Amanda , that we don't pal around (or gossip now and again), but these shows like Gastineau Girls, where the mother and daughter are going out like they're buddies or whatever,it's just not right to me. They may think their child needs them in that way, but I clearly think the parent has special 'needs' issues of their own that need to be addressed.
Even on a base level, what sometimes irks me about Lorelai from Gilmore Girls is that(and I realize within the context of the show, she's a young mom and all, but...)oftentimes she speaks with her daughter like they are a couple of girlfriends going out for a night on the town or something, and Rory is often more the grown up in the situation. That is why I hated the whole 'not talking' situation between the two last season. Even the actress Lauren Graham (has said she)had problems with that aspect of the characters' relationship.
You're not on an island... at least, if you are, I guess I'm there with you. I enjoy my boys. I love that I can talk comic books and movies with Will and look forward to doing the same with Alex. But at the end of the day, what I say goes. I'm his mom, not his buddy. I want to be close to him, but not at the expense of bringing up a good person and decent member of society.
That said, my heart breaks when I have to enforce what I say. That's really all I meant; if he's fresh, do I try to reason with him and tell him, "You don't speak to me like that and this is why?" No. I'll tell you, "Speak to me like that again, and you'll be spitting teeth."
Not that I don't feel bad about having a 6-year old fitted for false teeth. :-)
(Oops, I made some Freudian slip-type spelling errors before... this is the corrected version...)
This island is getting crowded... I don't think it's healthy for mothers and daughters (or sons) to be best friends either. You need certain boundaries if you're going to be an effective parent. Linda, you hit it right on the head, parents that do that are trying to fill their own needs.
Being so new to the parenting game, I haven't yet come up against true disciplining challeges yet. But I do think about it, and I hope I'll have it in me to be able to set firm limits and not be one of those over-negotiating types. (Please don't bite your sister. I'll give you an ice cream cone if you stop biting your sister. Please? Pretty please?) I hate that, and I don't think it works.
he he, sometimes you have to just laugh a little. It's tough now and again if we're angry at Amanda in a silly situation but at the same time you have to hold it back (or completely turn away.) I'm glad to see I'm not alone in my feelings on all this, nice to know I'm not completely off my rocker.
Everyone tells me I'm in for it anyday now, and I'll have to tell myself, after a screaming match, "it's a good thing she's arguing with me, she's trying to assert herself and her identity"...(right?) Oh boy.
I have to admit, I do keep a smirk hidden when I hear Will going back at his father. ("Good. Don't let anyone walk on you. Assert yourself.")
But then when it's turned on me, I think, "You little turd, watch your mouth around me. I'm your mother!"
I have SO many things to learn...
Okay, so I have another Alex story to tell here since we're all gathered. Mike was carping at Will for some foolishness or other the other night, as he is wont to do. He mutters under his breath, "Pain in the ass."
Alex did not take lightly to this slight against his brother. He points to Mike and yells, "HEY! YOU pain in the ass! You no say that word to my brother no more!"
I excused myself, left the room, and almost peed myself by the time I hit the hallway.
Mike was so shocked he was speechless.
We're in a world of trouble, my friends. Alex is going to be the one who rules us all...
L(WAY)OL! That's bloody hilarious! I wish I was a fly on the wall.
If I didn't leave the room, I would have fallen off the couch. It was soooo wrong.
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